What would do if I typed out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Well, if you call yourself my friend, that
is? What about if I ran onto hard
times? Would you come over and help me
out? Would you offer me money – either
by offering it directly to me or just quietly, behind-the-scenes taking care of
some bills for me? If I needed help
after an injury or a surgery, would you offer to come mow my yard? Would you even pick up the phone to check on
me?
No, I’m not making a checklist of those that have or
haven’t ever done that for me in the past.
I’m talking about Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar
the Naamathite. Who are they, and what
do they have to do with anything?
They’re Job’s three friends. As a
whole, if you’ve been to church or read the Bible much at all, you’re more than
familiar with Job and his struggles. But
what about his “friends”? Have you ever
given them much consideration? We will
today. And you can decide if you’d want
friends like Job’s.
We pretty much all know this one, so we’ll fast-forward a
bit. Job’s covered in sores. His wife is telling him to “curse God, and die” (Job 2:9). His friends come and see him, but they see
that he’s suffering and want to “give him space”. So they wait a week, just sitting with him, before
they say anything. And when Job finally
feels like talking, he opens up in Chapter 3 and wishes he was never born or
died at birth, or would just die in general like his wife suggested (without
the “curse God” part). And sitting with
him for a week and hearing his wailing and wishes for death, Chapter 4 begins
as Eliphaz offers one of those “could be encouragement, could be a little shot
at Job” statements. We like to do that
with our friends, don’t we? But it’s a
“hey, Job…all this time you’ve talked about God and encouraged others, and now
it happens to you and where’s your faith?”
But just in case Job missed that Eliphaz was doing it, Eliphaz takes the
chance to encourage and starts pointing fingers. “Hey, Job!”
(and to interrupt at this point, is anybody else hearing Paul McCartney
in their heads right now singing “Hey! Job…don’t be afraid” ok, never mind.) But yeah, “Hey, Job! Don’t you know that we’re just pottery, and
God is in control of it all? I mean, even
by whining about it, you’re acting like you’re smarter than God when he chooses
one vessel for noble purposes and whatnot.”
Because THAT’S what Job really needed.
No encouragement. No lifting
up. No “we’ll get through this.” Just a “well, you DO realize that in the
grand scheme of things, none of this matters to the flow of the world,
right? Because God is still God, you’re
just Job.” Thanks, Eliphaz…by the way,
nice name. Not quite what Job said in
Chapter 6, but he still calls them out for not standing beside him when he
needed them. Good ol’ Eliphaz. A friend is sick and needing help, and his
first friend dumps some cosmic, theologic, relevancy on him. Thanks a bunch, Eliphaz…isn’t your mom
calling?
Then there’s Bildad.
Surely after hearing the first one beat Job while he’s down and hearing
Job’s “gee, thanks, guys” reply, Bildad will step up and take up for his
friend. Nah. Bildad wants to gets judgmental. “now, Job, you DO realize that all of this is
happening because of something you did wrong, right? I mean, God’s infinite wisdom like Eliphaz
mentioned aside, bad things only happen to people that deserve it. You DO know that, right? I mean, you’re Job, and you’re a really good
guy…but surely you’ve got something in the closet to deserve all of this! Some alcoholism…something…you beat your wife,
right?! That’s it! I mean, you’re in a
bad way and all…but I have to reserve my pity, because God’s punishing you for
something!” Gee, thanks for the sermon,
Bildad. That’s makes me feel a ton
better now that I know you think I’m hiding some sin from my friends. A week ago, I was a great guy…charities,
helping people, offering wise advice…now I’m deserving all of this stuff. Thanks.
Oh, and for the record, I’m not hiding anything. “Sure you are, Job! This doesn’t happen to good people!! I mean, c’mon…haven’t you read John 9 that
will be written in a thousand years or so?!
Even these disciple people asked Jesus about a blind guy which of his
parents sinned…so you HAVE to have done SOMETHING!” That’s really helping a bunch, Bildad. I’m feeling better already. Isn’t Eliphaz’ mom calling you two
knuckleheads?
Then Zophar – who maybe might have learned something from
watching Eliphaz and Bildad – steps in and pulls the classic “man, it would be
SO much easier to understand why this is happening to you if God would just
tell us why it was happening…but maybe you better just be safe and repent for
something.” And Job says, “what?”
And they pretty much repeat that pattern a couple of times
until God sorta pulls the Eliphaz card Himself and asks Job who he thinks he is
to demand answer and explanations from God.
But through the whole of the book…not once do Job’s friends offer to
carry his burden. Not once do they offer to help him. They’re there with him, and quick to offer
advice that doesn’t help anything. But
where in the entire book of Job did they actually help him with anything? They must have been pretty close to Job – I
mean, they sat with him for a week in silence with him, after all. But where was the actual help? Probably wouldn’t appreciate it if our
friends did that to us, but do we do that to do them? I asked earlier if you’d want friends like
Job’s, and I’m not sure that I would.
Would you want a friend that tells you that it doesn’t really matter
because we’re just a blip on the universe’s radar? Would you want a friend to keep arguing with
you that the bad stuff happening to you is your fault? Would you want a friend that just sits with
you and whines about God? I don’t really
need any of those three to be perfectly honest.
And I hope that I’ve not been that kind of friend to somebody. And yes, I know I just wrote a “We Don’t Need
Another Hero” devotional making
Eliphaz’s point exactly, but the fact that it’s biblically accurate doesn’t
mean that’s what a friend needs to hear when they’ve had the blocks knocked out
from under them, and they’re hanging by a very thin thread. A story about the 2 sparrows sold for a penny
or the hairs on their head being numbered might serve a little better as a
biblical truth.
But to look a little closer – why did Job’s friends act
that way? Proverbs 19:4 says, wealth adds many friends, but a poor person
is separated from his friends. So was
that possibly part of the problem with Eliphaz, Bildad and Zophar? Is it that they used to be friends of the guy
everyone in the whole countryside loved and respected…but now…now he’s that
homeless guy with the sores? Is there a
little finger pointing and whispering down at the Uz-Mart (Job was from Uz)
because they’re associated with him? Is
it the fact that now everyone is gossiping about Job these days, and there’s a
negative stigma attached to being his friends?
Are they being harassed to get the “real story”, and so now there’s some
animosity toward Job for dragging THEM into HIS problems? Are they a little upset because Job losing
his own status means that they’ve lost their status – a status that maybe had
nothing to do with them in the first place?
I don’t know. We’re not given
their statuses in the Bible. But maybe
their actions toward Job are what they are because their hearts weren’t where
they should have been as “friends”.
Listen for the Whisper that tells you to not be like
Job’s friends. When you have a friend
that needs help, don’t show up blabbering at the mouth griping about God or the
ex-girlfriend/boyfriend or pointing fingers at them. What they need is help getting through the
rough patch they’re going through…not Dr. Phil analyzing the “why” of their
issues. Be the friend that Jesus
describes in John 15 willing to lay down his life for his friends. Sometimes when we try to use our mouths to
say something helpful, we mess up and say something stupid. I think Job’s friends would have better
friends if they would have just continued to sit quietly with him. Not once did they offer to pray with
him…which would have been more helpful than any accusations they continued to
make. So remember the kind of friend
you’re supposed to be as a Christian.
Being a Christian is what we’re to be no matter what we do…including
being a friend. Be a Christian friend
that knows how to help. Let your
friendship speak with actions. Don’t
wait for them to ask, but volunteer “what do you need me to do for you this
afternoon, so that you can go handle (whatever it is you’ve been forced to deal
with)?” Give a hug, let them be
reassured that you’re there for them…then just shut up if there’s nothing good
to say. Don’t help them run down their
ex-girlfriend because “we always thought she was a this and whatever, and we
always knew she’d run off with what’-his-name.”
Don’t blame them for their husband leaving. Don’t tell them that it’s their own dumb
fault that they’re sitting there with a broken leg for trying to clean the
ceiling fan by standing on the foosball table, so they can figure out all on
their own how to mow the yard while they’re sitting in the wheelchair.
None of that is Christian. Lift them up by lifting them up in
prayer. Help them out of the mud they’re
stuck in. Don’t grab handfuls of it and
throw it at them or anyone else.
Colossians 3:17 offers the best advice on how to be a Christian…whether
that be a Christian dad, a Christian co-worker, a mad Christian in traffic…or a
Christian friend: “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus,
giving thanks through Him to God the Father.” If your method of helping a friend doesn’t
fit that mold, maybe you just sit with them quietly.
~Dwayne
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